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Knitting for Father’s Day: A Cautionary Epic in Twenty-Two Tweets

June 5th, 2013

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Writer, illustrator, and knitter Franklin Habit joins us for his monthly column featuring humor and insights into a yarncrafter’s life.

@knitztoomuch Want to knit Dad’s gift for Father’s Day this year. Don’t have tons of time. He likes the usual dad stuff. Suggestions? #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Sounds like cardigans are the crowd favorite, with hats and mittens a close second. Hmmm. #knitfordad #patternsearch

@knitztoomuch Pondering whether I can finish an entire cardigan with intarsia duck motifs in time remaining before Father’s Day. #knitfordad #quack

@knitztoomuch Cast on half required stitches for left front last night during Bachelorette rerun so am committed to finish entire cardigan. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Cannot believe it, am finished with both fronts in 2 weeks. Ducks so cute! Should have complete cardi just in time. #knitfordad #whew

@knitztoomuch Dad casually mentioned over phone that he hates ducks. Has waited 42 years to tell me this. Ripping. #knitfordad #noquack

@knitztoomuch No time for new cardigan, going with Plan B: handsome cabled hat and mittens in wool I bought from indie spinner at Rhinebeck. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Yay for mittens that knit up quickly! One down, one to go! #knitfordad #finishline

@knitztoomuch  Will start mitten two as soon as other ball of wool turns up. Must be here somewhere.  #knitfordad #whereareewe

@knitztoomuch Have turned over stash cupboard. Found missing house key and $3.47 in loose change, but not @*$%! ball of mitten wool. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Faced facts, going to have to order new ball of wool to finish mittens. Hope she can send by express delivery. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Indie spinner from Rhinebeck was witness to mob hit, is now in Witness Protection Program. #knitfordad #yougottabekiddingme

@knitztoomuch Perhaps Dad is fashion-forward enough to rock a pair of mismatched mittens. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch No, he’s not. #knitfordad #foolingmyself

@knitztoomuch Ripped out mitten. Should be plenty of wool for just the hat. Can knock out a cabled hat in 24 hours. #knitfordad #nosweat

@knitztoomuch Hat is finished. Four hours to spare! #knitfordad #victory #wrapitup

@knitztoomuch Home from store with wrapping paper. Hat is missing. #knitfordad #wtf

@knitztoomuch Dog is looks guilty. Fearing the worst.

@knitztoomuch Found half of hat in dog’s bed. Other half is in dog. #knitfordad #whywhywhy

@knitztoomuch Have about 300 yards of uneaten yarn and one hour, fifteen minutes to Dad’s arrival. #knitfordadorpretendImnotathome

@knitztoomuch Dad loved his knitted egg cozy. Happy Father’s Day! #knitfordad #justwaituntilnextyear

Knitting for Father’s Day: A Cautionary Epic in Twenty-two Tweets | Lion Brand Notebook

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Writer, illustrator, and photographer Franklin Habit is the author of It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons (Interweave Press, 2008–now in its third printing) and proprietor of The Panopticon (the-panopticon.blogspot.com), one of the most popular knitting blogs on Internet. On an average day, upwards of 2,500 readers worldwide drop in for a mix of essays, cartoons, and the continuing adventures of Dolores the Sheep.

Franklin’s other publishing experience in the fiber world includes contributions to Vogue KnittingYarn Market NewsInterweave KnitsInterweave CrochetPieceWorkCast On: A Podcast for KnittersTwist Collective, and a regular column on historic knitting patterns for Knitty.com.

These days, Franklin knits and spins in Chicago, Illinois, sharing a small city apartment with an Ashford spinning wheel and colony of sock yarn that multiplies alarmingly whenever his back is turned.

  • knittingnana

    In my family, we have been known to present someone with a partially finished item and a promise to finish it. This has been true for birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc.

  • deebee

    When my children were small I was busily knitting an afghan for a friend’s soon
    rsoon to arrive adopted child. At the time I was busy with work, kids etc. The afghan was on a very log circ. I took it outside with my youngest 2 children, and handed them each a needle. I captioned the picture ” your soon to arrive son’s unfinished blankie held by 2 of the reasons its not finished.”

    • http://www.lionbrand.com/ Zontee

      Too funny, deebee!

    • Jessica-Jean

      Good one!

    • Frances Osteen

      LOL.

    • Ruby Cruse

      That would be a great photo. Love it.

  • Sandra Ranelli Schwab

    LOL too cute!!!

  • Sarah L

    I once gave my husband a sock and half a sock – still on the needles and attached to the ball of yarn – for Christmas. He looked at me, completely panicked, and asked, “Am I supposed to finish this?!”

    • Frances Osteen

      Funny. Hahaha. :-)

  • Pam

    Hey….how do you know my dog ?

  • http://www.natalieford.com/ Natalie Ford

    I checked Twitter in an attempt to follow @knitztoomuch but there seems to be no such user. This makes me sad as I would have loved to read your fictional tweets!

    • http://www.lionbrand.com/ Zontee

      Hi Natalie, if you’re interested in more (real) tweets from Franklin, follow him at @FranklinHabit and his fictional friend Dolores Van Hoofen at @doloresvanh.

  • chilloften

    Very funny! Belly giggles are great.
    Xxoo

  • janet chappell

    That is sooooooo funny ! Love it :-)

  • Ruby Cruse

    You hit the target right on here. Too many times those hurry up and rush things are not what we want them to be. But at least there is some humor there. Albeit the dog might not appreciate the humor (sarcasm) in my voice. Thanks, Franklin, for your wit and humor.

  • Cooper13

    Just X-stitch across the back in Mallard color’s. “Sorry, Dad. Love!

  • Cooper13

    When I was growing up we ALWAYS had an afghan in the creation process. It lived in the music room and the instructions were always there. We taught many people how to crochet in that small room. We all got too warm and gave them all away. Only to start again with a new generation.

  • Cooper13

    I’m in the process of crocheting a sweater right now. First for me, I’m at that… “how I tell this is really going to fit?” part of the process.

  • Cooper13

    The Obstetrician that delivered me, used to knit like crazy! He lived across the street and three doors up. I asked him one day why he liked to knit. He said,”Child… when you have time on your hands, you should have something your hands…. And I’ve had a lot of time on my hands!”

    If I remember correctly and he got the blanket done during the sitting with them during the labor process… they got the blanket. Other wise it was donated to the nursery.

    My goodness… what a memory!!!

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