Knitting for Father’s Day: A Cautionary Epic in Twenty-Two Tweets

Writer, illustrator, and knitter Franklin Habit joins us for his monthly column featuring humor and insights into a yarncrafter’s life.

@knitztoomuch Want to knit Dad’s gift for Father’s Day this year. Don’t have tons of time. He likes the usual dad stuff. Suggestions? #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Sounds like cardigans are the crowd favorite, with hats and mittens a close second. Hmmm. #knitfordad #patternsearch

@knitztoomuch Pondering whether I can finish an entire cardigan with intarsia duck motifs in time remaining before Father’s Day. #knitfordad #quack

@knitztoomuch Cast on half required stitches for left front last night during Bachelorette rerun so am committed to finish entire cardigan. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Cannot believe it, am finished with both fronts in 2 weeks. Ducks so cute! Should have complete cardi just in time. #knitfordad #whew

@knitztoomuch Dad casually mentioned over phone that he hates ducks. Has waited 42 years to tell me this. Ripping. #knitfordad #noquack

@knitztoomuch No time for new cardigan, going with Plan B: handsome cabled hat and mittens in wool I bought from indie spinner at Rhinebeck. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Yay for mittens that knit up quickly! One down, one to go! #knitfordad #finishline

@knitztoomuch  Will start mitten two as soon as other ball of wool turns up. Must be here somewhere.  #knitfordad #whereareewe

@knitztoomuch Have turned over stash cupboard. Found missing house key and $3.47 in loose change, but not @*$%! ball of mitten wool. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Faced facts, going to have to order new ball of wool to finish mittens. Hope she can send by express delivery. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch Indie spinner from Rhinebeck was witness to mob hit, is now in Witness Protection Program. #knitfordad #yougottabekiddingme

@knitztoomuch Perhaps Dad is fashion-forward enough to rock a pair of mismatched mittens. #knitfordad

@knitztoomuch No, he’s not. #knitfordad #foolingmyself

@knitztoomuch Ripped out mitten. Should be plenty of wool for just the hat. Can knock out a cabled hat in 24 hours. #knitfordad #nosweat

@knitztoomuch Hat is finished. Four hours to spare! #knitfordad #victory #wrapitup

@knitztoomuch Home from store with wrapping paper. Hat is missing. #knitfordad #wtf

@knitztoomuch Dog is looks guilty. Fearing the worst.

@knitztoomuch Found half of hat in dog’s bed. Other half is in dog. #knitfordad #whywhywhy

@knitztoomuch Have about 300 yards of uneaten yarn and one hour, fifteen minutes to Dad’s arrival. #knitfordadorpretendImnotathome

@knitztoomuch Dad loved his knitted egg cozy. Happy Father’s Day! #knitfordad #justwaituntilnextyear

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Writer, illustrator, and photographer Franklin Habit is the author of It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons (Interweave Press, 2008–now in its third printing) and proprietor of The Panopticon (the-panopticon.blogspot.com), one of the most popular knitting blogs on Internet. On an average day, upwards of 2,500 readers worldwide drop in for a mix of essays, cartoons, and the continuing adventures of Dolores the Sheep.

Franklin’s other publishing experience in the fiber world includes contributions to Vogue Knitting, Yarn Market News, Interweave Knits, Interweave Crochet, PieceWork, Cast On: A Podcast for Knitters, Twist Collective, and a regular column on historic knitting patterns for Knitty.com.

These days, Franklin knits and spins in Chicago, Illinois, sharing a small city apartment with an Ashford spinning wheel and colony of sock yarn that multiplies alarmingly whenever his back is turned.