Today On CABLE: Classic and Original Programming for People Who Love Yarn

Writer, illustrator, and knitter Franklin Habit joins us for his monthly column featuring humor and insights into a yarncrafter’s life.

* 6–7 a.m. Twisted Pearl. Early morning yoga for knitters and crocheters with Pearl Cotton.

7–9 a.m. Morning Wound Up. Who’s making news? Who’s making socks? Cast on for the perfect day with Tencel Washington, Angora Blends and the whole Wound Up team. Plus: weather and color forecasts for your area.

9–10 a.m. Sesame Street. Brought to you by the letters K and P and the number 2.

10 a.m.–11 a.m. The Price Is Right. Contestants guess the retail prices of various yarns, then buy all of them.

11–noon. Swatch Game. Contestants don’t actually play, they just tell everyone they did.

Noon-1 p.m. The Selvedge of Night. Wrench returns from his secret mission to find that Veracity has run away with his size four needles. Dolores discovers a baby in a pile of discounted merino.

1–2 p.m. All My Mill Ends. Stricken with amnesia after falling into the spinning machine, Clarice struggles to remember which clue of the mystery shawl she was working on.

2–3 p.m. Stitch and Kvetch. Today’s discussion topics include What Are You Working On, What Yarn Is That, Where Did You Buy It, and Do You Think This Is Going to Fit Me.

3–3:30 p.m. The Brady Bunch. The kids attempt to knit a sweater for Carol’s birthday; everyone but Jan is able to get gauge.

3:30-4 p.m. Gilligan’s Island. At Mary Ann’s request, the Professor develops a primitive version of Ravelry made from coconut shells and old clothing. When Gilligan posts a question about copyright, the island descends into madness and bloodshed.

6–7 p.m. CABLE News. Special Report: “What Your Ball Band Isn’t Telling You.”

7–8 p.m. Hoarders. A team of psychologists visits two knitters who live amid heaping piles of yarn that fill every room in their homes, and explains to them why this is perfectly acceptable.

8–8:30 p.m. The Golden Girls. Blanche’s pride is hurt when Dorothy’s crocheted shrug–not her own ripple stitch afghan–takes the blue ribbon at the Miami Craft Expo. Rose remembers the year the traveling yarn salesman came to St Olaf and broke his geflürchenwongel.

8:30–9 p.m. Friends. “The One with the Drum Carder.” Joey and Chandler square off against Monica and Rachel in Central Perk’s first sheep-to-shawl competition.

9–10 p.m. CABLE Original Movies: Not Without My Mohair. Valerie Bertinelli plays Angie Piscataro, a tough-as-nails investigative reporter whose yarn stash was kidnapped by international terrorists during the 1968 mohair embargo.

10–11 p.m. Mad Men. When Don’s antics cost Sterling Cooper the Lion Brand account, Joan refuses to finish the slippers she was making for him. Peggy winds forty-three balls of sport weight while staring out of her office window.

11 p.m.–2 a.m. One More Row. Lighthearted late-night mix of comedy, music, and chat for those who can’t go to sleep just yet. Tonight’s special guests: sassy stand-up comic Chunky Bouclée.

2 a.m.–3 a.m. CABLE After Dark: Emmanuelle Goes to Rhinebeck. Not suitable for viewers under 18.

Tomorrow: Repeat from * 1x.

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Writer, illustrator, and photographer Franklin Habit is the author of It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons (Interweave Press, 2008–now in its third printing) and proprietor of The Panopticon (the-panopticon.blogspot.com), one of the most popular knitting blogs on Internet. On an average day, upwards of 2,500 readers worldwide drop in for a mix of essays, cartoons, and the continuing adventures of Dolores the Sheep. Franklin’s other publishing experience in the fiber world includes contributions to Vogue Knitting, Yarn Market News, Interweave Knits, Interweave Crochet, PieceWork, Cast On: A Podcast for Knitters, Twist Collective, and a regular column on historic knitting patterns for Knitty.com.

These days, Franklin knits and spins in Chicago, Illinois, sharing a small city apartment with an Ashford spinning wheel and colony of sock yarn that multiplies alarmingly whenever his back is turned.